some days i am a terrible slave, okay most days. the more and more i think about it, the more i see why this is. i was just reading a book, Sacred Kink, and in it there is this section that i connected with. i sabatoge and am a bad slave to prove that i am worthless. i do it because i cannot see the good in myself, so i create a problem.
because when i do let go and let my body take over and shut my mind off, i do find bliss. i find contentment in my service, in pleasing Master. i long for those moments oh so very much. they are what gives my life meaning.
but how do you find those moments in everyday life. how can i find that solace when i am at work or school or anything else in the vanilla world we all have to put up with? few of us get the chance to just serve, so how can we do it. how can we find the balance?
back to what i was originally saying, how do i find the balance and the self worth so that i can be what Master needs me to be? how do i stop ruining everything? i want to be happy and i want to serve Master because that is my happiness…
no collar - very relaxed, vanilla, free to talk and move however, always respect Master still but do not have to refer to Him as Sir or Master
necklace collar - semi formal, still free to talk and move, refer to Master as Sir if given a directive from Him
metal collar - formal, semi free to talk and move, be very poised and respectful in movement and speech, refer to Master as Sir or Master
black leather collar - extremely formal, do not talk unless asked a question, do not move unless told to, no eye contact, refer to Him as Master
so Master had me meet some of His friends this weekend. one of my tasks was to pleasure one of His male friends (reasons… he hadnt been laid in a long time). i was told to sit between his legs and nuzzle. this is the first time Master has ever told me to do such things. it was… surprising how good it felt. how normal and right. how comforting. i was so happy like that.
i was also shocked how much Master’s friend felt the same as Master. male body parts feel the same… huh. Master says its prolly because they are both tall and lanky so size wise they were similar.
i cannot function at the moment its so bad.
i need grabbed by the throat and slammed into a wall and fucked until i can no longer stand. then i need thrown on the bed, my head shoved down into the pillows, ass in the air and fucked some more. maybe beaten a little while this is going on too.
you know when you are having a bad day and you come home and all it takes to make life not feel like its going to fall apart is Master garbing you by the hair and pulling you close. that strong, protective, possessive “I love you” always makes it seem like its going to be all right.
Master has me in devotional week once a month and during that week i switch my regular silver ring collar for a black leather one. i love my metal collar… its simple and discreet, but its just too heavy to wear all the time. When im in my black leather i get so many looks. It makes me feel like im on display all the time. It makes me more submissive. i dont even notice my metal one anymore, but the leather is always rubbing my neck, a constant reminder of what i am. Yes this is a good thing, im just much more comfortable in my metal one.
i’m proud of who and what i am. i don’t hide from it. my friends all know and most are okay with it. Most of my family knows… my sisters, His family, and my mom… they don’t have a problem with it at all. i find that most people are just curious about it and once you explain it they really are okay with it too. There are those few that don’t and will never understand. They really bug me. i just want to ask them if their sex life is as fun and fulfilling as mine.
BDSM is a blanket term used for many things. Bondage. Discipline, Sadist, Masochist, Dominance, Submission, Master, slave… on and on the list goes. You can be one or all of these (you can be into the kinky side without having a Master/slave relationship). Master and i are almost all of them, specifically a 24/7 Master/slave relationship.
Before i go further, this is a concenttual relationship built on trust and love. i have the power to stop anything that is too much for me.
Now that that is out of the way… What is a 24/7 M/s relationship? This means that i am Masters slave all the time. Every moment of every day. This is hard sometimes because i am so many other things on top of Masters slave. A wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, student, employee… So how can i be all of these things and still be Master’s slave? To be honest i’m still working on the balance. Its hard. Sometimes i lose my submission when i fill another role. When this happens i’m upset with myself (not to mention Master is unhappy), but then i remember that i am still a very young slave both in age (i’m 22 years old) and how many years i’ve been a slave (only 5!). It takes time and patience to train a slave, to break them of old habits. i have come far these past years, but i still have a long way to go.
i have missed this part of my life and feel like it has taken a back seat. i want it to be more predominate in my life again so ive merged my kinky blog with all my others so i can see it and use it daily.
First though, before i get too far into this, a few notes so you can follow along easier. Every time i refer to my self and my submission it will be in a lowercase. Any time i refer to Master or another Dom it will be in an uppercase. For those of you that are not familiar with the BDSM scene it is rude to refer to a Dominant in any other way. W/we or O/our is done this way to refer to Master and then my-self.